Loving Variant Minds

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Loving Variant Minds

About the Book

They are not doing it on purpose. That thing your partner does that drives you mad - the forgetting, the shutting down, the meltdowns over small things, the way they seem to be having a different conversation than you - they are not trying to hurt you. And you are not crazy for being frustrated. You are not too demanding. You are not imagining things.

You are in a neurodiverse relationship, one where ADHD, autism, or both are shaping everything that happens between you. And until you understand that, you will keep trying solutions that were never going to work.

Loving Variant Minds explains how neurodivergent brains actually work, why they create specific patterns in relationships, and what couples can realistically do about it. It covers ADHD and autism in depth, including AuDHD - when someone has both - and the particular complexity that combination creates. It addresses late diagnosis: why it happens, how it destabilises relationships, and what the path forward looks like when you discover your partner's neurology only after years of misunderstanding have already accumulated.

The book is honest about difficulty. Masking and what happens when it drops. Emotional dysregulation and its impact on the partner who witnesses it. The difference between what someone cannot change and what they can. Where understanding should lead to accommodation, and where it should lead to boundaries instead. These are not comfortable topics, but they are necessary ones.

This is not a book that promises everything will be fine if you just try harder or love more. Love alone is not enough - that is one of its central arguments. But love combined with understanding, with strategy, with the willingness to build structures that fit the brains you actually have rather than the brains you wish you had - that combination can work. This book shows you how.

About the Author

Silvino Rodrigues

Silvino Rodrigues brings a rare combination of lived experience and formal expertise to the neurodivergence conversation. With over thirty years of corporate technology and tertiary studies spanning electronics engineering, software development, financial management, an MBA, and postgraduate work in adult education and psychology, Silvino writes with both analytical rigour and hard-earned personal insight.

A late-life discovery of autism and ADHD sparked a new direction: understanding why so many neurodivergent adults - and those who live and work alongside them - struggle to bridge a gap neither side can fully see. These books provide partners, colleagues, and employers seeking genuine understanding with clear explanations of how variant minds work.

Silvino now dedicates time to neurodivergent research, writing, and advocacy and is available for corporate and public speaking engagements on neurodivergence in relationships, workplaces, and everyday life.

News and Updates

  • Released 5th January 2026.
  • Available on Apple Books.
    .. in English: EN
  • Available as Kindle eBook1.
    .. in 13 geographies (English content):
    AU CA UK US
    & BR DE ES FR IN IT JP NL MX
    • ASIN: B0GD16S51T
  • Print (6x9" Paperback) available globally from:
  • Number of pages (print): 510
  • ISBNs:
    • Print: 978-1-7638955-6-0
    • eBook: 978-1-7638955-7-7
  1. Kindle availability is governed by Amazon's regional and account-specific policies. To purchase a Kindle title, a) you must have a registered Kindle account (via a Kindle device or the Kindle app), and b) you must be browsing the Amazon store that corresponds to the country in which that account is registered. If these conditions are not met, the book will appear as "currently unavailable".